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Nosebleed

by Jay William White

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1.
cross my heart and hope to die and to stay dead when its my time no wet-nosed Lazarus on a back step thresh with drooping jowls and hungry eyes will receive an offering to come inside this is a quiet place and yesterday's companions may have been replaced so keep your tail between your legs if you feel you must but wishes true may still yet rust and so I turn away the beloved mutt I used to know go on get away from here get lost shoo fly while I cross my heart and hope to die and to stay that way.... you might see my sisters and my brothers running to our mother in the night you might see my sisters and my brothers diving into cover from the light
2.
3.
it's the knowing that nobody's coming that makes my bones rattle their sobering songs it's the going and the never getting that keeps me keeping on but I would never play the piano again if my hands were tied whether mend or rend the width between with and without is the wit's take-a-bow as you pin me down, boy and shake eternity
4.
5.
you don't think that he ever looks at you but maybe when you turn your back he does palms flat on the hood of the Econoline van watching gallons tick waiting for a break watching someone driving by that's a beautiful face a lot of your questions start with 'if' you like to ask: do I embarrass you? are you ashamed to be seen with me? maybe these are questions that shouldn't be asked maybe you shouldn't ask a question that isn't supposed to have an answer ...but what if you did? I'm sleeping you look the way you used to look I'd recognize you anywhere I read you like a newspaper I just pick the parts I'm interested in and for that I'm sorry his palms flat on the hood of the Econoline van his palms flat on the hood of the Econoline van you wonder if he's watching you so sneak a glance and see he's watching someone else drive by this whole time he had nothing up his sleeves boys will hurt you, even the good ones
6.
7.
talk to me I've got nowhere to go I've made a mess making myths out of molehills I'm left with nothing but my bones sometimes we scream and tear and swallow it sometimes we let our lovers leap I've got a kingdom still in disrepair and yet we watch each other sleep if we could just turn from our corners work out an order you go first and don't look back I'll fall apart again just leave me deep inside the earth there are worlds to dream take my hand and know (my palms are sweaty) all that's in between is what we can control I've got a knack for stoking ire fires and keeping pitchforks at my gut I know you bore of all the martyr talk and staying put inside my rut I love you more than water, air, and wind, and fire I love you more than anything I've ever known or seen I love you more than the wonders of the deep or anything that's ever come to me in dreams it's a wondrous world (wake up) with the room to spare (where have you been?) even if we can't find a way to share it together (follow me -- come on) who said we have to be together? even if we're never I say: "keep yourself safe"

about

Recorded from April to July of 2020, Jay William White's idiosyncratically fused imagining of a melancholic and gothic jazz continues through seven pieces, each telling a unique story of worlds shaped by chthonic specters and wandered through by fragile and wayward adventurers.

All compositions by JW White
Cover photography by Gelsey White

credits

released August 6, 2020

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all rights reserved

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about

The Judas Sprawl Boston, Massachusetts

The Judas Sprawl is the conceptual musical project of artist Jay William White.

Plumbing the depths of history by exploring how the spirits of the past haunt our present and future, each Judas Sprawl project constitutes a fully developed world and internal narrative, often fusing elements of science fiction, fantasy and horror.

The latest, INBETWEENS, releases 01/01/2024
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